


He ain't heavy, he's my boyfriend

by ManhattanMom



Series: He ain't heavy, he's my boyfriend [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bombur also jumps to conclusions, Bombur has self-esteems issues, M/M, but things still turn out okay for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3569405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManhattanMom/pseuds/ManhattanMom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bombur is just fine, thank you very much.  Being big is fine, being alone is fine...</p><p>And then he sees Nori.  And suddenly "fine" doesn't seem so fine anymore</p><p>NOW WITH A SPECTACULAR, "IT ONLY TOOK ME TWO YEARS TO WRITE IT" SECOND CHAPTER!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

News flash - Bombur was fat.

Not "chubby". Not "soft". Not "could stand to lose twenty pounds" or any of the other euphemisms people (usually non-fat ones) liked to use when discussing such things.

He was fucking _fat._

He had been pretty damn big for as long as he could remember, but it had gone DEFCON 5 for sure after his parents had died. He was a grown man, he knew that, but losing both of them so suddenly, one right after the other, had been devastating. Just...devastating. It had felt as if his insides were weeping all the time, keening and sobbing and the only way to give himself peace had been to eat. Anything, everything - it didn't matter, only the sheer volume and frequency did.

So...yeah.

By the time he'd come up for air, the despair finally abating ever so slightly and the voice of his brother finally piercing through ("Jesus, Bom! How could you eat...never mind."), the serious damage had been done and he simply resigned himself to the reality that he was one fat dude.

Frankly, it was easier than trying to wrap his mind around the work that would have to be done to change that fact (fuck you very much, Biggest Loser!) and all in all, he didn't really mind that much. Bofur's gregarious and easy nature had always eluded him - Bombur had always been shy and a bit of a loner so, well, now his outside made it that much easier. People tended to either just look right through fat folks, as if they were simply not there, or they regarded them uncomfortably, often with a touch of condescension, likely thinking, "Holy shit, how did you get that fat?" or "I would never let myself go like that" or maybe even the schadenfreude-esque "thank god that's not me."

Bombur was used to it all. Really, what did it matter? His brother and cousin loved him unconditionally and it wasn't as if he'd been planning on getting married or something. Thank Christ for that, too, because holy shit the gays could be hard on anyone not hot hot hot so even before reaching his current proportions he'd resigned himself to basically never dating. You had to be pretty damn cute and not shy at all to find a guy willing to take a second look so...that was that. He lived vicariously through Bofur's lurid tales _("holy hell, Bom, it honestly felt like he was sucking my memories out through my dick! I literally couldn't remember my name afterwards!")_ and watched his fair share of porn.

 _Even fatties have needs,_ he would think a bit sourly, after it was over and he sat there on his bed with his pants still unfastened and his hand sticky with semen. _This fatty, anyway._

So his life revolved around working (and yes, please bring on all the jokes about fat chefs, oh the hilarity! Never heard _that_ one before!) and hanging with Bofur and Bifur and occasionally whacking off in his bedroom after telling his brother he had another migraine and was going to go lie down and then studiously ignoring Bofur's knowing look. The prick.

And he was, if not happy, then at least content. _If this is what it's gonna be,_ he would think, _then I'm aces._

And then he met Nori.

Nori was everything a self-respecting man could want. Stunning and charismatic, always dressed perfectly, clearly smart as a whip.

Bombur loved him from the first time he saw him.

And then he felt like a complete ass.

There was no way in hell he had a chance with Nori. It was ridiculous. Absurd. It went against the very rules of nature. It was so wildly improbable as to be almost unsatisfying to wank to the thought.

Almost.

Days melted into weeks and Nori continued to torture Bombur with his extremely regular presence in the restaurant. They had a Michelin star so it wasn't as if they didn't have a fairly loyal and regular clientele but, as it was nearly impossible to secure a table without a reservation and as reservations were booked at least six weeks in advance, his sudden and consistent presence was noteworthy. Bombur assumed he must be not only wealthy (as if the obviously _custom-made-and-not-in-China-either_ suits weren't enough of a tip-off) but well-connected too.

And if Bombur arrived ridiculously early to work a few times to snoop around the office and reservation system to see if he could find out who at the restaurant must know Nori...well. Sometimes the head chef needs to get there first thing for deliveries and such (and never you mind that there was an entire kitchen of minions for just such a purpose. Bombur was the head chef, thank you very much, he could do as he pleased).

Regardless, all those early morning yielded exactly...nothing. Not a damn thing.

It was as if Nori was made of smoke.

Extremely sexy, lean and mean smoke.

Not that it mattered because guys that looked like Nori never went for guys that looked like Bombur. It was never gonna happen and any effort Bombur put toward trying to discover something, anything, about Nori was wasted time that only made the reality that much more bitter.

 _I wonder if he would wait for a couple years,_ Bombur mused one evening after a particularly vigorous wank session (spurred on by visions of Nori rising out of the surf like Ursula Andress in Dr. No, wearing a similarly hot bathing suit, striding toward Bombur, slicking back his hair and grinning wolfishly and oh yes _yes yes god that's it that's...)_

 _It would take a least a couple years to really get all this under control,_ he thought as he wiped one hand absentmindedly on a tissue and poked at his sizable belly with the other. _At least._

And then he sighed and slumped off to brush his teeth.

Any and all thoughts along those lines would lead to nothing but heartache.

And so Bombur determined he'd best keep fantasy Nori and his longing for real Nori totally separate. Fantasy Nori was like Fantasy Luke Evans and they were both about as likely to want to date him so...better to leave it all alone.

And then Nori asked to meet him.

It was not so unusual really. He was, after all, the head chef in a Michelin-starred restaurant so naturally people asked to meet him pretty often.

People. Not Nori.

He basically broke out into a sweat when the server came back and told him.

"Ummm..." he stammered and could tell, he could just _tell,_ that the server had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "I...uh..."

"You know the guy I mean, right?" the server asked, his admiration of Nori practically ooozing from every pore. "Really sexy, reddish hair, crazy high cheekbones? Been coming in almost every day for a while?"

"Uhnn..." Bombur managed.

"Should I just say you're too busy tonight?" the server asked, clearly yearning to be done with his sweaty, fat, peculiar boss.

"No!" Bombur practically shouted before flushing crimson as he heard the desperate eagerness in his voice and saw the little wince of...distaste flash across the server's face. Great, now every single person at work would know he was hot for Nori...and they could all just laugh their asses off at how that fat fuck Bombur would look with lithe, beautiful Nori in bed or some other nasty, mean thing...

And then he realized that he was still just standing there, sweating, staring bug-eyed at the server while he worried about people picturing him with Nori. He hadn't even _met_ Nori, and now maybe he never would because at least a _year_ had to have gone by since the server had come in to ask his innocuous question, and here he was, just standing there, being fat and being pathetic, and _still_ not meeting Nori and it all just became _too much._

In a moment of clarity Bombur decided that, while he was indeed fat, he did not need to be hopeless as well.

Breathing deeply and reaching down into his soul to gather what remained of his courage and self-worth _(Michelin star, baby!)_ he nodded wordlessly at the server and followed him out into the dining room, wiping his hands against his chef whites and praying they weren't really as drenched with sweat as they felt like they were.

The server led him through the entire room, weaving around tables and avoiding the other service personnel peppered throughout, clearly heading for the prime tables by the river, overlooking the water.

Other patrons glanced up and smiled a bit, nodding in recognition and appreciation and there did not seem to be _too_ many surprised grimaces when the realization that their flawless food had been prepared by _that_ guy...but before Bombur's mind could zip any further down that pointless and humiliating train of thought they arrived at their destination, and all thought of any kind fled.

Holy shit, but he was beautiful.

It was almost as if he was glowing a little more brightly than everyone else, that's how glorious he was. Creamy skin with just enough wrinkles to give him character and a dash of freckles (freckles! Bombur's knees went weak) across his nose and absurdly high cheekbones. His jaw was dusted with the barest hint of stubble, making him seems incredibly masculine and the slightest bit dangerous...like a gangster or something, a very well-heeled gangster in an Prada suit, and -

He was suddenly aware that Nori was looking at him expectantly, as were his companions - a older guy and a younger one, who both resembled Nori enough that Bombur immediately assumed they must be related.

He chanced a side glance at the server who was also looking at him, though his expression was more embarrassed and weary than anticipatory, as if what was transpiring was only what he had expected.

 _They must have asked me something,_ Bombur sorted out a bit blearily, trying hard not to stare as he couldn't help but stare.

"Ummm...pardon?" he choked out.

Nori smiled and Bombur was sure he was just going to keel over, and everyone would think it was because he was fat but really it would be because that smiled had killed him. Just killed him _dead._

"I said it's a real pleasure to finally meet you," Nori said gently, and Bombur was immensely grateful for the concession. In his experience people got very impatient with fat people, as if they were drooling, vapid entities one resented having to spend any more time on than absolutely necessary.

He tried to smile back and figured he must have been moderately successful because Nori's smile widened in response, and the other two men smiled a bit too. Thank goodness for that because it felt as if his lips were stretched freakishly thin.

"Your food is absolutely exquisite," he continued. "I've been coming quite a bit lately- " and he smiled even more widely as Bombur began to nod quickly before belatedly remembering he was trying very hard to not appear like a crazy stalker and stopped himself awkwardly in mid-nod, "and there has not been a single misstep. Not one."

The older man spoke up then. "I couldn't agree more. It lived up to every expectation I had and Nori can tell you, I had very high expectations."

The younger one snorted a bit and then all three started to laugh as Nori clapped the older one affectionately on the shoulder, smiling fondly at him.

"'Very high' is the polite way of saying he was sure all the buzz about you was completely overrated," Nori said, grinning as the older man began to sputter in denial. "Oh now, Dori - don't deny it. I have a feeling Chef can take whatever it is you have to give him."

Bombur blinked and smiled a little as Nori looked up at him rather...sympathetically? And strangely it didn't feel like sympathy for his companion's words, it felt like...what exactly? Bombur couldn't quite put his finger on it but it felt...profound, as if Nori was looking into his heart a little and offering warmth for all that Bombur had endured his whole life.

He blinked again, recognizing how foolish that was and then cleared his throat so he could offer a soft, "Thank you for the compliment. Truly, it's my pleasure. Very glad you enjoyed it."

The older one (Dori?) smiled warmly as the younger one said, "Oh, we more than enjoyed it, Chef. This was hands down the best meal I've ever eaten. I can't speak for my brothers - "

"Although they do enjoy speaking for you, eh?" Nori interjected and they all laughed again.

"But this was a spectacular meal. Really spectacular," the young man continued, grinning at his two older brothers as he pushed his glasses up his nose a bit. "Lord only knows what sort of favor Nori is going to expect from us in return."

Nori leaned over to punch him lightly on the arm as they all laughed again; and Bombur was simultaneously charmed by their obvious closeness and left feeling terribly awkward, as it suddenly seemed they were done with him.

"Well, ummm..." he muttered as he shuffled his not-inconsiderable weight from foot to foot, trying with his muddled head to figure out how to gracefully leave without calling attention to himself. The server's hand reached out to grip his arm and he used the rather uncomfortable but solid sensation to ground himself a bit.

He let the server begin to lead him away, back toward the kitchen (where he belonged, let's be very clear about that), when suddenly Nori spoke up, slicing through the silence.

"Chef, one more thing," he said in that gruff but mellow voice of his, and Bombur stopped so suddenly the server was brought up short and even yanked back a bit.

Ignoring the scathing look he received he glanced back at Nori, and saw the man pulling at his tie a bit while his brothers smirked and shared a look.

It was the smirks that did it.

A huge red flag went up as Nori cleared his throat and Bombur whipped his eyes back to him, braced for whatever was coming next though he could not fathom what that might be.

"I don't suppose..." Nori began and for the life of him Bombur would have said he sounded...uncertain.

_Huh._

He caught Nori’s brothers giving each other another look, and caught the younger one nudging Nori’s arm and Nori swatting the hand away, making the older one laugh a little.

And strangely, all of a sudden, none of the nudging and the smirking and the laughing felt directed at him. It felt...directed at Nori.

_What is going on?_

He smiled a little and was so confused/soothed/excited/confused _again_ to see Nori smile back. He almost wanted to look back at the snarky server, to see if he was going crazy or if the server had seen Nori smile back at him, too.

“You, ummm - “ Bombur said and then winced inside.

 _Is that the best you can do?_ the voice in his head shrieked. _Jesus, I’m outta here._

“You were saying?” he forced out and then held his breath.

Nori cleared his throat again and definitely looked nervous. Bombur was pretty certain he was right about that. Nervous for sure.

 _Well, that make two of us,_ he thought wryly as he stood and waited, utterly mystified.

The server was as still as stone and Bombur didn’t need to see him to know he was likely standing there, not breathing, ready to take in every detail of what was about to happen so he could share it with everyone in the kitchen, probably at Bombur’s expense, and Bombur wondered idly if he could just fire the guy before they got back there so that whatever humiliation was hurtling toward him at warp-speed could stay private and -

“Would you care to have dinner with me?”

Bombur’s jaw dropped open. He heard the server gasp dramatically behind him.

He struggled to draw in enough breath to choke out, “Excuse me?”

Nori’s jaw clenched and he raked his hand through his hair, mussing it a little and somehow making himself look even _more_ gorgeous.

“Dinner?” he asked again. “With me? I know - “

And then Bombur saw the brothers grin at each other and suddenly everything clicked into place.

His face flamed beet red and he muttered, “Umm, well. I...uh. Enjoy your dinner.”

And then he fled.

He didn’t even know which way he was going. His eyes were filled with tears because all of a sudden that seemed like the best and most adult thing to do and without the condescending but firm presence of the asshole server he wasn’t aware of which direction he was moving.

That...bastard. That horrible... _bastard._

You know, honestly - it wasn’t as if Bombur had thought Nori actually might fancy him or anything (not really, anyway. Not _totally_ ) but he certainly hadn’t expected to be the punchline of some bullshit dare or whatever that was and _holy hell,_ if a Michelin star and a fabulous restaurant people were selling their soul to get into wasn’t enough to get respect what was?

_What was?_

Did _everything_ come down to being fat? Could he cure cancer, solve world hunger, stop wars and would the first thing anyone would say of him was that he was _fat?_

Jesus Christ, but that _hurt._

It wasn’t as if he’d known Nori, he reminded himself. They weren’t friends. This wasn’t really a betrayal of any kind. It was rude and disrespectful but hardly dishonest. It wasn’t -

“Chef!”

Bombur automatically turned and Nori slammed right into him.

Without thinking he reached up and grasped the smaller man, stopping his fall. He felt the muscles under the expensive suit and couldn’t stop himself from squeezing, just a little bit, before he let go.

Nori whuffed out a lungful of air upon impact and then laughed, a tad unsteadily, as Bombur set him to rights.

“Thank you, Chef,” he said, smiling as he brushed himself off. “You were so quick I was practically running to keep up with you!”

And finally Bombur found his nerve.

“So, what? Fat people are slow? We’re just lazy and slow and easy to catch, like...like _turtles?”_ he hissed, no longer caring who was watching or what they might see. “Sorry to disappoint you! Sorry I made it _difficult_ for you to continue to mock - “

Nori’s brow crinkled as he frowned and cut in, “Mock? Chef, what are - “

“Mock me! You and your family! I’m not _blind!_ I could tell what was happening, laughing and all!” Bombur responded, his voice shrill, and it occurred to him too late that perhaps standing up for himself while not sounding like a crazy seventh-grader was something he should have worked out a bit better.

Nori frowned even harder and now looked...confused.

“Chef, I’m not sure what you - “ he tried again and again Bombur cut him off.

“Dinner!” Bombur practically shouted. “Asking me to dinner as a dare! _That’s_ what I’m talking about!”

Nori froze, and then he drew in a stuttering breath.

“You think…” he stammered and then stopped. “Chef, I - “

Bombur was done.

“Just...never mind. I’m willing to forget all this happened. But know that you didn’t fool me! That I didn’t - “

Nori reached out and took his hand.

Bombur looked down at their hands, his larger, sturdy one held in Nori’s pale, wiry one and then looked up at Nori.

“Wha - “

“May I please speak now?” Nori asked lightly, smiling at little and squeezing Bombur’s hand. “Please? I think I can clear a few things up.”

Bombur nodded dumbly and looked down at their hands again. Now their fingers were entwined.

_Wha…?_

“The reason I’ve been coming in so much has not been because of the food, as incredible as it is,” Nori was saying but all Bombur could hardly hear him over the buzz in his ears as he looked at their fingers, sturdy and wiry, interlocking with each other.

“It’s been because I...ummm. Well.” Nori took a deep breath. “Because I have a bit of a crush on you, you see.”

_Wha…??_

Bombur’s head snapped up and and he saw Nori looking at him; and he searched and scoured and looked as hard as he could...but he didn’t see any evidence of a joke.

Nori seemed as if he were being...totally honest.

 _So...if Nori is being totally honest and he just said he has a crush on me,_ Bombur’s mind flailed, _then maybe that means he really has a -_

_Wha…WHAAA???_

Everything short-circuited at once and Bombur could only stand there and gape, which a little voice sarcastically assured him was an entirely winning expression on anyone’s face.

Nori gave him a small smile and then squeezed Bombur’s hand...and if Bombur had thought Nori’s smile would kill him he didn’t even have words for how it felt to have Nori squeeze his hand.

No. Words.

None.

“Sorry to put it so...baldly,” Nori said quietly, leaning in a little closer, “but...well, you were - “

“Um,” Bombur cut in, looking back down at their hands...their squeezing hands.

_Oh dear Lord._

“I, uh…” he tried again but his mouth was so dry...like, _Saharan-levels_ of dry and he just couldn’t get his tongue to move. Not that it mattered because he really had no idea what he wanted to say. This was all just...unreal.

Nori smiled more widely and then let go of Bombur’s hand.

“Ohhhhh...:” Bombur whined as his hand dropped and Nori laughed a little, which made Bombur flush. He tried to cover with, “I, huh, I only meant - “

“S’all right,” Nori said softly. “I’m incredibly flattered.”

And... _finally_ he could speak.

 _“You’re_ incredibly flattered?” Bombur said incredulously. _“You’re_ flattered?? But you’re...and I’m…”

And now Nori was frowning again and Bombur stopping talking because he wanted that smile to come back...like, right this very minute.

“I’m what?” Nori asked tersely. “Some guy in a suit? Who cares? There are millions just like me. But you...you’re - “

“Fat,” Bombur blurted out and then flushed again...or maybe still. It was hard to sort out. Either way, it felt as if his face might just melt off his head, that’s how hot it was. He coughed a little, bringing his handkerchief up to muffle it which was really only an excuse to mop his forehead a little.

Jesus, what was he doing?? It wasn’t as if Nori couldn’t see he was fat for himself!

“I mean, I’m...pretty big,” he then said awkwardly, “and you’re...well. Um. Not big. You’re - “

“Skinny,” Nori finished for him with a grin. “Skinny as hell. Even Ori weighs more than me.”

“Ori…?”

“The younger one,” Nori supplied and Bombur nodded.

“I only mean...guys like you _(stunning, beautiful, breathtaking)_ don’t usually...well.” Bombur stopped, because he didn’t really know how to put it. It wasn’t something he’d ever had to explain to anyone before. It just... _was,_ like how the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.

Guys that look like Nori don’t go for guys that look like Bombur. Cut and print.

Nori laughed and said, “Then most guys are assholes. Didn’t your mom ever tell you that?”

Bombur’s hands started twisting together and his heart started pounding, seriously pounding in his chest.

_Could he could he could he could he_

“And I completely understand if you don't want to do dinner,” Nori continued. “I was able to get two tickets to that show at the Public - “

“Of course you were,” Bombur cut in and then Nori _really_ laughed and Bombur had to lean back against the wall that was conveniently close because...yeah.

Shrugging a little helplessly Nori said, “Yeah, well - I do have connections, it’s true. And I’ve never been more grateful for them than these last few weeks because it’s been a bitch and a half to come here so often even _with_ the connections and there was just no way, _no way_ I couldn’t be here and - “

And now it was _his_ turn to blush a little, and laugh self-consciously.

Bombur’s heart stuttered alarmingly in his chest, prompting him to rub at his chest with his hand.

Nori noticed and asked, “You okay?”, the concern evident on his face.

Nodding, Bombur tried to smile...and then he tried to make it reassuring as his first effort only made Nori look more concerned.

“Yeah,” he said.

Nori relaxed.

“Oh, good,” he said, obviously relieved.

Bombur smiled again and blushed again and well, that was just the way it was going to be, wasn’t it?

“No,” he said. “I meant, yes - I’d love to go out with you.”

Nori’s smile was heart-stopping.

Like, literally. Literally heart-stopping.

_Oh, fuck! Am I -_

And then it started again.

_Whew. Nope, I’m good._

He looked at Nori grinning at him.

_Oh, yeah. I’m good._

 

_fin_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bombur and Nori have THE TALK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well - who'd have thunk it?? Nearly two years later and I thought of another chapter for this!
> 
> Truth - I was going through old google docs and found about three pages I'd written for this LAST January and rather liked them...so I banged the rest of this out today. So it has not been nearly as scrutinized as my other stuff has been...but I think that's good!
> 
> Also - when I originally wrote the first part of this, the juggernaut we all know as HAMILTON was still a hot ticket at its downtown, Off-Broadway venue. I mention it obliquely in Chapter one, and since I'd started this second bit sooooo long ago...well, anyhoo - that's the story behind THAT. So pretend Chapter 2 takes place in the spring of 2015, lol.
> 
> Enjoy!

“That show at the Public” turned out to be Hamilton. Of course it did. Matthew McConaughey had to wait for tickets but not Nori.

And they were fucking amazing tickets too. Even Bombur, whose knowledge and appreciation of musical theater began and ended with his bubbie’s _Fiddler on the Roof_ album (not that that was so bad - it was a freaking amazing show), was transfixed and transported, moved to his core by the brutal honesty and incredibly creative lyrics, not to mention the musicality of the whole thing.

As they left the theatre Bombur was quiet, processing the amazing array of emotions swirling within him. _I finally get it,_ he thought. _This is what everyone is talking about when they say the theater is magical. It’s finally happened to me. I get it._

He felt strangely proud, as if he’d passed a test of adulthood he had long since forgotten about.

Something knocked gently against his arm and he looked over.

Nori was looking at him, smiling a little.

“Care to share?” he asked

“Hmmm?”

“You look so pensive. Very intense. I hope that’s good…?”

Bombur nodded enthusiastically.

“Very good! Very very good!” he gushed and then felt his face burn. Nope, that part hadn’t changed yet. He still got wildly self-conscious around Nori. The handsome fucker.

He blushed more deeply, now thinking about that handsome fucker on his knees, looking up at him, his mouth full of -

_Stop stop stop stop_

_oh man cut it out cut it out_

_Dead kittens dead kittens dead kittens_

And now stupid, hot Nori was giving him the look, that look…

_What’s that word?? When you make kids think of something else so they don’t melt down? What’s that word??_

_Redirect._

_Redirect now please._

“The play,” he managed. “Very...so compelling. Made you care about something that’s so...so - “

“Remote?”

“Yes, remote!”, Bombur agreed. “And it all felt so contemporary, but in a very truthful way...and I was so involved I’d forgotten that he died - “

“You knew he died?” asked Nori, now grinning. “Thank god you didn’t say anything, I had no idea.”

Bombur laughed at that. “Yes, the two hundred year old spoiler. Always something you have to watch out for.”

“Well, don’t tell me who else dies, all right?”

“Like Hamlet? You know Hamlet dies, right?”

Nori groaned theatrically. “I said please keep all your spoilers to yourself!”

And now Bombur was laughing harder. “How about Julius Caesar? You do know _he_ dies? You must!”

“I’m _telling_ you,” Nori gasped through his laughter, “I barely know anything! I don't know how I’ve managed to keep myself alive this long!”

And now they were both laughing and man, what had he done to deserve this? Really, what?

Once they'd calmed down, they walked in comfortable silence for a bit, the sounds of the city a gentle counterpoint to the click of their footsteps.

And then Nori asked, “Would you like to got to dinner somewhere? I’m, ummm…”

Bombur looked over again and was surprised to see Nori looking very...awkward. Which was awkward in and of itself. Like, the whole _thing_ was awkward because what the hell did Nori have to feel uncomfortable about? Unless he’d killed someone and was looking for an alibi...that could be a reason...but if that was the case there was no need for Nori to look nervous because Bombur would be happy to tell whomever -

“ - be disappointed, is all.”

“...uhhhhh…?”

And yeah, that was the best he could come up with since he had no idea what Nori had been talking about.

Nori cocked an eyebrow at him (even being _dressed down_ by him was so hot!) and repeated, “I don’t want you to be disappointed. By dinner. Because you are so accomplished and...talented and…”

Holy shit he was _blushing!_ As in looking a little bashful and worshipful and Bombur was utterly charmed. And taken aback. And shocked. And a little disbelieving. And charmed again.

“I...ummm,” he began and was fascinated to see Nori’s face drop. As if...he was terribly invested in how Bombur felt. Which was so absurd it didn’t even bear discussion...right?

RIGHT??

“I mean...of course,” Bombur began, haltingly. “Absolutely! I would love to -”

“We don’t have to, was a silly idea, stupid even, I’m so sorry - “

And then they were both talking over each other and before Bombur could think better of it he reached out and grasped Nori’s hand, pulling him closer.

Nori’s mouth snapped shut so suddenly Bombur laughed, and then Nori laughed and then they both stood there laughing again and HOW WAS THIS HIS LIFE?? SERIOUSLY, WTF??

The laughing tapered off with simultaneous sighs, which set them off into new laughter, this time so riotous they were leaning against each other, teary-eyed (and who’s kidding who? Nori was leaning against Bombur because the other way around would have ended badly), and people were stepping around them, looking anywhere from amused to annoyed to one hundred percent over the two idiots standing in the middle of East 10th Street laughing their likely drunk asses off.

_And they’re probably wondering what the hell Nori is doing with a fat fuck like you so...there’s that too._

And just like that, Bombur’s laughter dried up. Funny how that works, huh?

Nori was laughing so hard it took him a bit to notice he was the only one still laughing and he looked up, wet-eyed and smiling and still chuckling, until he really looked and saw Bombur’s face. And then -

“Stop. Seriously, I mean it. Stop. Please.”

Bombur blinked.

“Stop what?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.”

Bombur felt like a fat man running after his hat in the wind - flustered and a little embarrassed and sure his arse was hanging out for the world to see.

"I don't -"

"I know you don't.  And I wish you did."

Hot panic spiked through Bombur because for reals, Nori was pissed - seemingly out of the blue. His cheeks were flushed (and didn’t _that_ look incredibly hot, his sprinkle of freckles standing out clearly on the parts of his face that weren’t extra red, and the flush in his cheeks making his crazy-cool, almost golden eyes pop right - )

STOP. FOCUS.

Because Nori was pissed and that could only mean that Bombur had done something stupid and really, wasn't it just a matter of time before that happened? Jesus Christ, he was so out of his depth with this guy but honestly, he didn't -

“You are so magnificent, you take my breath away.”

God help him, Bombur actually looked behind him.

Sighing, Nori grabbed his hand and turned him back around.

“I’m talking to _you_ , you…” He sighed again. “I don’t even know what to call you. I have so many things I _want_ to call you but I don’t want you to think…” He huffed loudly, brushing his hair back out of his face. “Lord, I feel so out of my depth with you sometimes.”

WHAT THE FUCK

“I just -” Bombur blurted out. “The same thing! I was just thinking the same thing! Fucking hell, Nori - I kid you not!”

Then Nori grinned at him and Bombur felt a wash of relief course over him because whatever he had done to incur Nori’s wrath, it clearly couldn’t be that bad if Nori could look at him like _that._

Nori’s grip on his hand softened, and he raised Bombur’s ( _sweaty, meaty_ ) hand to his mouth and brushed a kiss across his knuckles and Bombur suddenly hoped Nori had a plan to get a passed-out-cold fat guy home safely because seriously.

“Can we talk?” Nori asked and Bombur pushed aside the chaos in his head to focus on the confusing question. Weren’t they talking now..?

“I - “

“In private, I mean. Can we sit and really _talk_ because there are some things I want to say, that I _need_ to say and I’m only sorry it’s taken me this long to say them.”

And now we were back to panic but then there was that last bit and really, if he were being honest with himself, it didn’t _sound_ like a kiss-off talk was coming but...how could it not…?

Bombur decided to grow a pair for once in his life. Well, in his humble opinion it had taken a hell of a lot of courage to go talk to Nori in the first place, despite the other man’s invitation because _hello?_ Have you _seen_ Nori? Or _Bombur_ , for that matter??

But all in all, courage was not his strong suit so...he thought he deserved some credit for displaying some again.

“Yes,” Bombur said, proud of how calm and even his voice sounded. “I would love to do that.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

And so here Bombur sat, wishing like hell he’d suggested going to his place, as they had before ( _nononono, don't think of that right now! Nori’s mouth and his eyes looking up at -_

_STOP. IT.)_

No, instead they’d come to Nori’s place this time, as it was technically closer to where they’d been when Nori had asked to talk, but man - if Bombur thought he’d felt out of his depth before, well. He’d been wrong.

 _This_ was out of his depth.

Nori’s elegant-but-hospitable, gloriously decorated with a view to kill for loft overlooking the Hudson River was ridiculous. Not that Bombur’s place was anything to sneeze at but...well, it wasn’t this.

 _He said_ he _felt out of his depth too, remember that._

Bombur wanted to hug this new sweet, calm little voice in his head. It was certainly more helpful than the ugly, cranky one he’d been heading off most of his adult life. And fuck yes, sweet little voice, Nori _did_ say that and thank you for reminding me.

 _Not everything turns out badly,_ it now said.

Well, Bombur cautioned it, _this_ is _me we’re talking about. And Nori. I mean, have you_ seen _Nori??_

_Just listen. Don't fret, just listen._

And that was some damn good advice.

He glanced over at Nori, who was pouring them each what Bombur could only assume was some excellent pinot noir, and was suddenly weirdly pleased about the trend in recent years toward open floor-plans that now allowed him to watch Nori in this way, because the view of a somehow softer, unguarded Nori was amazing, no question. He’d taken off his suit jacket and his tie and now the delicate line of his throat was visible and oh so beautiful and -

Nori looked up and caught him looking. Grinning, he looked down again and... _blushed_ a little…? Which kinda made no sense but -

Bombur glanced away. _He_ was definitely blushing so let’s focus on that, shall we friends and neighbors, and _not_ why the hell _Nori_ would be blushing because -

_Hang on._

“You know Thorin Durin and Bilbo Baggins?” Bombur asked. It sure looked as if Nori did because that seemed to be them in the photo he was currently staring at and that was definitely Nori, and they were all on a boat (although who’re we kidding, that shit is a _yacht_ ) and smiling and Thorin was tan and Bilbo was a little sunburnt and Nori was creamy as ever.

“You know them too?”

Bombur jumped. Nori was somehow right at his elbow, like that cat video on YouTube where the person filming kept hiding behind something and every time they peeked out, the cat was magically closer -

 _Dude, for reals. Can you please just keep it together? I mean,_ cat videos?

And now he’d managed to annoy his sweet little voice. A dark day indeed.

Bombur took a deep breath, held it and let it out. That felt better. He smiled up at Nori and took the glass of wine he was being offered.

“I know them a little,” he said. “We're not friends per se, but we’re friendly. They come into the restaurant. You know…”

He waved his hand aimlessly and trailed off as there was not much more to say. Frankly, how Nori knew them was bound to be more interesting.

Nori smiled and sipped his wine. Bombur took that as a cue to sip his own. And yes, it was excellent. Of course. Nori didn’t miss a trick.

“Thorin and I did some business together a while back,” he said casually and Bombur’s eyebrows raised a bit. Nori had been very vague on what it was he actually did for a living the one time they’d discussed it and Bombur had surmised it wasn’t necessarily...well, he didn't think it was actually _illegal_ but at least some of it was almost certainly pushing that envelope.

“Did you know him before he met Bilbo?” Bombur asked. Bilbo was his favorite of the two. He imagined Bilbo was many people’s favorite of the two.

“Uh huh,” Nori answered and that seemed to be that. Which was fine. After all, who really cared? They had bigger fish to fry.

Bombur took another steadying breath. “You can’t startle fatties like that, you know,” he said teasingly. In his experience it was always better to acknowledge his size before anyone else did. It made everyone more comfortable, answering definitively any question regarding whether or not he knew how big he was. He knew.

But Nori’s face darkened like it had on the street, and Bombur felt that panic again, nibbling the edges of his hard-won serenity like a little rodent. He opened his mouth to...well, do what he didn't really know but he sensed he had to do something, and fast, but then Nori said -

“That. There. That is what I wanted to talk about.”

Bombur was confused and then... _oh shit._

Nori was going to dump him because he was fat.

“I’m trying to lose -” he started, almost babbling and Nori quickly set his drink down and stood up.

“Bombur,” he said, looking almost pained, and then he knelt down in front of Bombur’s chair.

And Bombur’s mind promptly shorted out.

Too much stress, too many things that didn’t add up, and now Nori _KNEELING IN FRONT OF HIM._

_Too. Much._

Very gently, Nori placed his hands on Bombur’s knees and squeezed a little. Bombur closed his eyes. And was suddenly on the verge of tears. Nope, make that - actually weeping. Sweet Baby Jesus. What was going _on_ with him??

“Bom, please - can you look at me for a minute?”

Bombur shook his head a little.

“Can you listen then? Really listen? Really hear what I have to say?”

He nodded.

“All right.” He heard Nori take a breath, and then he felt hands on his face. So gentle, so soft. His tears were being brushed away, which ridiculously and frustratingly only caused more of them to fall.

“I don’t care one whit about your size,” he heard Nori say, and he squeezed his eyes shut even harder because there was _no way_ this was happening.

“I don’t, truly I don’t. And I feel as if I’ve said that before but I don’t think you hear me. I _know_ you don’t hear me because I can see in your eyes, every time you, I don’t know, _remember_ you're big - “

At this Bombur snorted.

“Hey,” Nori breathed and Bombur's face was shaken the tiniest bit. “None of that now. You promised you would listen.”

Bombur nodded again.

“I can see something in your eyes just...shut down," Nori continued, and his voice was so _rich,_ almost hypnotizing.  "It’s like a light going out and it breaks my heart every time it happens. I want to help it stop happening. I want, I _need_ , you to understand, to know in your heart and your mind and your soul that I’m in this because I find you glorious and hilarious and smart and so damn  _funny_ when you get out of your own way and I am _fascinated_ with you. Absolutely fascinated.”

Bombur inhaled, the breath shuddery and uneven.

“I’m not done,” Nori said gently. “Can you listen just a bit more?”

Bombur nodded, his eyes still clamped shut.

“Yes, you’re big,” Nori went on, his voice now very soft and almost tender. “I can see that.” And Bombur could hear the warmth and feel the kindness, the care with which it was said. “I know and I _do not care._  And I am not here _despite_ it, because that would mean I thought there was something about you that needed changing. And - “

 _But there IS something about me that needs changing,_ Bombur ached to say, but he’d promised.

“And I’m not here _because_ you’re big because being big is only one part of you, all right? If you’ll pardon my choice of words,” and here Nori paused a bit and Bombur could feel his smile, “it’s only a tiny part of you. Your talent is bigger. Your humor is bigger. Your intelligence, your kindness, your heart are all bigger. _That’s_ why I’m here.”

There was a pause.

Bombur suddenly felt strong enough to open his eyes. Well, to peek a little.

Nori was still kneeling, his hands still on Bombur’s face. And they still felt fucking amazing there - strong and soft and...and...well, _loving._ There. There is was. They felt fucking _loving,_ okay??

He opened his eyes wider and was rewarded with a smile.

 _“There_ you are, _”_ Nori almost crooned and come _on!_ How much was a dude supposed to _take??_

He smiled a little and Nori smiled more widely.

“I can't begin to imagine what’s happened before to make you so self-conscious about your weight, but I do know our society is not a friendly one when it comes to appearances,” Nori continued, his eyes holding Bombur’s and his hands now drifting to Bombur’s neck, his shoulders, gently caressing him. “And if there is anything about your weight that _you_ want to change, I will support you. And if there’s _nothing_ you want to change, I will support you. Though,” he added, “if it interferes with your health I would love to support you being healthier because - “

He stopped and turned a bit pink. And Bombur was close enough to see it so there was no question. Nori was being shy. And what he was about to say was making him _fucking blush?!?_! And didn’t it look so beautiful on him and wasn’t Bombur just dying to hear what it was??

And he realized he was. He really _was_. He wasn’t afraid and he wanted to hear it. Because al at once it didn’t seem as if it was going to be bad. In fact, it seemed -

“Because I love you, that’s why. I’m in love with you, you dopey git, and I want you around for as long as possible.”

And now it was Nori who was getting a little misty eyed. Will wonders never cease.

Bombur waited a heartbeat for one of his voices to chime in - either the grouchy mean one to ruin it all, or the sweet one to cheer him on, but nothing. They’d chosen this moment of all moments to desert him.

Well, that was okay, Some things are meant to be private.

“Oh, Nori,” Bombur said slowly.  “If you wanted to get me into bed, all you had to do was ask.”

Nori burst out laughing and lunged forward, kissing the daylights out of him and Bombur kissed back to the best of his admittedly overwhelmed ability.  And all in all, he thought he did pretty damn well.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was a while later, with Nori sprawled out across his chest, both of them having just exploded together hard enough for Bombur’s brains to practically leak out of his ears when Bombur realized -

“Nori.”

“Hmmm?”

“I love you too.”

Nori rolled over and looked up at him, smiling, his hand tracing Bombur's jawline.

“Thank God. I didn’t want to lose my virginity to just anyone.”

They laughed about that one for years to come.

_fin_


End file.
